10 things you don’t know about me!

Good evening, guys! I am so sorry that I haven’t posted something in a while. From going through something personal, I just didn’t feel like writing.

ANYWAY, I have decided to do a blog post tonight. So, you can most likely see by the title of this post, and yes you’re about to find out 10 things you don’t know about me, yay!

1. i spent two years at college where i studied animal care (and tended to the animals!)

2. i hated the taste of coffee when i was a teenager, but i started drinking it late last year and now I’m obsessed with it. I can’t go a day without it!

3. okay at the beginning of this year, i got into this tv series called The Durrell’s and I love it. It’s something nice to watch with a cup of tea (or coffee, if you don’t like tea!) and your feet up.

4. I am 5’1. There I said it!

5. i love cats (& dogs) sorry I can’t choose between the two!

6. I have a thing for quotes, like someone else can put in words what I am feeling better than I possibly could.

7. at first meeting, i will not say anything. okay that sounds rude, no i will greet you but i’m a shy and i will be shy for a while so go easy on me!!

8. i like sitting in coffee shops and write in my notepad ( Zoella to be exact (; )

9. interesting fact here, but my foot was feeling a little itchy right now. ooh, we’re getting deep! 

10. oh, and i’m a Sagittarius!

I hope you found these interesting, at least one or two. Come on, make a girl smile.

OKAY, I won’t make you read anymore. However, I am starting on my next blog post as I don’t want it to be a month until I write again.

Good night! 

Emma X 

 

Advertisements

a snippet of my book

This is a small sneak peek of a book that I am currently writing at the moment. If you read, please do give feedback and tell me what you think. I always value what people think of my work. 

// window thoughts //

It’s been six hours since Evelyn has arrived in Paris, and checked into the hotel. Alexis had recommended a hotel for her, stating that it was the best one she had been to out of all the trips. Evelyn, trusting her best friend, decided to stay at Hotel Eiffel Seine.

Holding the steaming cup of tea, Evelyn made her way across the room towards the chair sitting by the window. Sitting down it, she pulls a fluffy blanket over herself as she gets herself comfortable. Phone being abandoned for the summer, she’s had to resort to communicating with her friends back home via email and Skype.

As Evelyn doesn’t want her phone bill going too over the top, she just decided to not use it, hence why it’s back home in a drawer turned off. Sure, it is going to feel weird not having her phone but she also does not want to return home to a huge bill to pay off.

Sipping on her tea, she stares out the window down at Paris and smiles to herself. If being honest, Evelyn never thought she would be here today. With certain events happening, and being a Nurse, she just never imagined she would ever make it to Paris. Evelyn looks to her side, taking gentle hold of the old diary.

It was her Grandmother who had given her the idea of coming to Paris ever since she was a little girl. Her Grandmother was named Diamond, as her mother had a love diamonds and she wanted to call her daughter something she dearly loved. Unfortunately, Diamond passed away eight months ago. She was not in pain, there was no illness. It was old age, and her body just gave up.

Evelyn stared down at the diary that her grandmother had left her. Every night when she would visit her, Diamond would always have this same old diary sitting by her side. She would not let anyone read it, let alone touch it. It was not until Evelyn had found the old thing wrapped up and laying in her mail box and has not opened it until now.

She opens the first page, instantly smiling when she sees train tickets, plane tickets and even cinema tickets taped to the first two pages. Eve’s eyes scanned the tickets, recognizing the different places her grandmother had been to. Poland, Germany, India, Costa Rica and even the place she is currently in herself; Paris.

There were too many places that her grandmother had been to. Flicking to the next page, her fingers slide over an old photo of a couple. It’s glued to the page. Evelyn immediately knew who was standing by her grandmother. It was her grandfather who she never got to meet, because unfortunately he passed away when she was just three months ago. She begins to read the first entry in the diary.

Bon Jour,

Right now, I am sitting in a cafe while staring out at a beautiful garden in Paris. Up ahead, I just about spy the famous Eiffel Tower and it looks oh so amazing in person.

Being here, in Paris, at the age of 18 was definitely not something I saw myself doing. But now that I am here, I can’t possibly imagine ever leaving this place.

I am writing in this diary because I want something to read back on when I am old and can no longer get out. Maybe this is being read by someone new, possibly my daughter or my daughters children!  Wow, that would be great, wouldn’t it? Just thinking about that is making me happy.

Oh, I can see Jill approaching me so I guess this is goodbye for now.

Written by the one & only, 
Dia

Evelyn grinned in the darkness, closing the diary as she thought about her grandmother. She thought about how her grandparents met, and if it was love at first sight for them. No, she definitely did not believe in love at first sight, but she does believe in the look.

It’s that look where you make eye contact with someone and you just know. You know that they are going to end up being someone important to you.

Evelyn sighed, leaning her head against the cushion and gazing out the window.  The diary is disregarded to the side as she now lets her thoughts take over. Cars go past below on the road, lighting up the streets. The top of the Eiffel Tower could be seen from over the over buildings.

She looked even further below, leaning forward in her seat. Down on the footpath, there were people either tiredly walking home from work or tourists taking pictures. A couple caught her eye as they walked hand in hand while admiring the scenery around. They both had wide smiles on their faces.

Eve smiles sadly, thinking of the dates that she had been on before she came here. None of them worked out. They either wanted sex, were seeing someone else or they were not- well, what she expected to see.

While staring out at the night sky, she started wondering if there was even someone out there meant truly for her.

 

i’m 20 and never kissed anyone

I was not sure whether to write about this topic, as I always feel very embarrassed about it. When people ask me about it and they hear my answer, they act all surprised and I stand there all awkward thinking to myself "ain't a big deal umm."

Yes, I have never kissed anyone. When I was in high school, I never thought of my first kiss to be a big deal. I pretty much just wanted to get through each year with no trouble. My best friend always had a boyfriend, I swear she was never single throughout our school years.

(I love you bestie!)

There were boys in which I liked but nothing happened. They were always the "populars" in my school. We never had cliche groups like you see on the TV shows. Sure, you had people who stood out more than others but nothing like on the television.

I liked being low-key. I admit it, I never like being centre of attention and having everyone's eyes on you. That is not my thing and will never be my thing.

Back onto my original topic though!

I get nervous when around guys. I get all shy, and I do not speak to them unless they make the first move. This may be because of my dyspraxia, as seen in one of my blog posts, as I get anxious as to how people will react when they first hear me speak.

I choose not to talk sometimes, even when around family. I find it easier, not having to repeat myself all the time which can get annoying if I may admit. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't talk to them because I choose to.. I just find it hard sometimes to say the right things.

When I am around guys, I . Most of it has to do with my dyspraxia. I get self cautious on how they will react, or what they might think. I am now beginning to think it's just me though, as most of the guys I have spoken to, they are nice and I find myself getting comfortable around them. So maybe it's just me overthinking the situation, who knows. (I realised I have said the same thing twice, but I'm keeping it in.)

In regards to not having my first kiss yet, I have come to realise that I am fine with it. People have their 'firsts' at all kinds of ages, and if my first kiss is with a total stranger in a bar or someone who I'll fall in love with then that's fine by me.

Right now, I am working on myself and learning new things by myself. It's okay to be by yourself, you can step away from life for a short while and just be by yourself, reflect on how far you have come.

I haven't posted in a while, but I hope you enjoyed this weeks blog post. If you want to leave a comment or you have a question, please do!

And I hope you have a lovely night, or day wherever you are in this world.

This is me tuning out,

emma X

apologies and redecorating

First off, I am terribly sorry for not being around since my last blog post. Since I got back from holiday, I have been busy with a few things. I want to start posting again, but I want to make a specific day in which I will so I don't fall behind.

In the meantime, I will tell you that I have been redecorating my room. I love being in a space that will inspire me and I feel like that is important as I want to be a writer and feeling inspired is what I need.

Mind the mess.

Yes, I am painting my room yellow. I am starting to LOVE the colour as it feels happy and will immediately lighten me up if I feel down.

You're probably wondering why my entire wardrobe is spilled out on my bed. I am actually sorting through my room, and taking various items to charity shops. From donating clothes, I've formed different piles.

1. I know I will never wear that again.

2. I will most definitely wear that again, I love it.

3. I say I will wear this but I also know that I will not therefore I should donate it.

I'm kind of branching out a little bit more. I am wearing clothes I usually would never have worn a year ago, so I am having a clear out of my wardrobe and donating those I don't wear anymore.

This is only going to be a short blog post, as I just wanted to say what I had been doing and why I hadn't posted in a while.

I hope you had a lovely day today, and I'll make sure to post this weekend.

Until next time,

Emma X

quiet holiday

The place in the picture is at Walton on Naze. It is such a nice quiet area, with a big enough beach and you were able to go far in the water and it would still only reach your knees. Lovely cafes, and we walked along the pier where I watched a man successfully catch a fish.

The water looks dirty there, but I swear it isn't. It felt nice just walking about in the sea, plus I found some cool looking shells and I had to keep them, didn't I?

Later on, the tide soon came all the way in meaning we had to leave the beach. What I love about Walton On Naze is that nobody is rushing. They take their time, and I like that.

My younger brother likes to buy each of the characters who we see at the caravan parks. He has one more back home, but didn't bring that one.

This moment was on the room in the room I was staying in. That day was also the day I had a panic attack so I started writing down in this notebook about ways I could overcome it if it ever happened again. The paper is blank, but I swear I filled it up!

I skipped a few days only because I don't want to talk about them. This morning, I had a veggie bap which is vegetarian sausages in a roll. You most likely already knew that. I had to have it again before we left because it's SO nice. With it, I had green tea which I love having now. I never had it before, but I am definitely going to start having it once I get home.

I did leave out a few details from this morning, as the atmosphere was not satisfying. Plus, I wouldn't want to include it in this. Positive vibes, not negative!

Until next time,

• Em •

I hate it

I may have done something like this before in a blog post, but I wanted to write purely about anxiety. Many of you may struggle with this, and it is a subject some may also ignore (unfortunately.)

For me, anxiety usually occurs when I am in a busy place or room, or even at a family gathering. You may think "family gathering, what?" but it's also linked to a busy room. Socialising with family is fine, but after a while it gets too much for me. I get hot and bothered, and I feel like the room is closing in on me.

When this happens, in any situation I will just go in a separate room and scroll through my phone. I may even text my friend while I calm down as it helps. Although we do have a family dog, and if she's happy to cuddle then you'll see me laying with the dog.

I may not have a quiet room to go to if I am in public though. That's the difficult bit, but there is always a coffee shop that I always feel the most comfortable in. Sitting in a coffee shop somehow relaxes me.

While sipping on coffee, my regular order always a latte, I might scroll through my phone or take out my journal and write in that.

You might not do this, but it definitely helps me and I hope somehow it helps you if you ever find yourself in an overwhelming situation.

Right now, I am writing this blog post in a showbar and I am feeling overwhelmed. Writing this is helping me because it's giving me something to focus on.

It feels like something is sitting on my chest and I feel trapped. I don't want to say anything though because it's supposed to be a family weekend thing and I don't want to spoil it. I just don't like major attention on me.

Fast forward an hour later. I got to my room and had a panic attack. I've never really had one before so it scared me. I couldn't breathe, I was gasping for air and I was just crying uncontrollably.

I was not planning to write this blog post tonight, but I felt like I had to. It helped me from breaking down in that show bar.

If you have ever gone through any of this, please let me know in the comments on how you cope with anxiety or a panic attack.

Sweet Dreams.

Until next time,

Em x

let’s talk about self love

I was never confident back in high school. All my friends were, and I was jealous of that because I so desperately wanted to be filled with confidence but I wasn't. Because of my lack of confidence, it also led to my lack of self love for myself. I was a big girl in school, and it made me self conscious of what others in my class might have been thinking of me.

There was one point, in year 10, I was in IT class and I was just working sometimes eavesdropping on the people talking beside me. Jacob, as previously mentioned in my dyspraxia blog post, I overheard him calling me fat. Yes, the one boy who I thought to be a good friend to me called me fat. I tried to not take it personally, but who wouldn't. One girl sitting opposite me stuck up for me though, which I was grateful for.

It is always the smallest of words

that can eat at your mind. From that day, I couldn't stop thinking about what he said. He was right, I was fat and he was merely telling the truth and I couldn't be mad at him for that. Weeks went by and it was still on my mind so I decided to do something about it. I just wish I went about it different way than I did.

I started to not eat at school. It's so easy to get away with not eating in school. Someone could ask why you're not eating and you could lie and say "Oh, I had something before I saw you" and they will believe you. Even if it's a really good friend of yours. It shouldn't be so easy to starve yourself at school.

I would not eat at school, but then I would go home and have dinner so my mum wouldn't get suspicious of me. It was a very dumb thing to do, I know. It went on a month, and you can only eat so little until you almost faint walking to class one day. I went to the medical room, where I stayed there for about an hour just laying on the bed. The nurse told me to go to lunch and eat something and I should feel better. I did, I got wedges but their wedges were not good that day so I only ate about three pieces.

It went on for one more week after that until my best friend spoke to me about it. With advice from her, and helping me, I got through that bad time and started eating again. I did eat healthier though and exercised daily all while eating well. So, I can only thank my best friend. I know she's not reading

this, but I love you boo!

Two years ago I found my favourite quote. I remember it every time I feel down about myself or lack self confidence.

"Fake it until you make it."

I love this saying. I read it, I think it everyday and I have it written down in my journal. If you want to learn to love yourself, you have to fake it until you believe it. Every morning, tell yourself positive things while looking in the mirror. Here are a few things you could say.

I am beautiful.

I am worthy.

I matter.

I belong here.

Say these things while looking in at the mirror. Say it in the morning, say it last thing at night, basically just say them every chance you get. Trust me, it works. Well, at least it does for me. It takes time, but you will get there.

Self love is not an overnight thing. It does take time, and the more you want it, the more you will work for it.

Everybody deserves to love themselves. No matter the body type, no matter your race, no matter how you speak, no matter how you look. You should love yourself, you deserve to love yourself because you are worth it and you are going to do something great in the future.

I was extremely insecure about myself two years ago. I still am, but not as much. The reason I have gained self confidence is actually because of Zoe and Alfie. If you don't know them, they are Youtubers. They are both so positive, and it inspires me to do what I love everyday. Seeing Alfie always reminds me to remain positive. Their lifestyle is filled with positivity.

You won't get nowhere with a negative mind.

Spend more time with family, see your friends and cut out all of the negative vibes in your life. I promise you as soon you do that, you will feel that slightly bit better. It won't take overnight, it will take a while to get to where you want to be but as long as you stick to it, you'll eventually get there.

Recently, I have bought clothes I would never have worn two years ago, but I got them and tried them on. They look so cute, and I realise that the only opinion I should care about is my own. If you feelgood in something, wear it! Wear it and hold your head up high.

Sure, I do feel nervous wearing new things around people. They may think negatively about what I am wearing or they may not, but I have also come to learn how to ignore those people staring.

Right now, I am writing this on holiday which will be another blog post next week. I started writing this post this morning on the train, and I couldn't seem to stop writing. I haven't gone aboard, it's a caravan park at Clacton On Sea and it's a cute little place. We do this every year with family and it's a nice to just relax.

I really hope this blog post has helped you any way. I want you feeling happy, or even confident within yourself. Let me know if you do different things to help with your confidence, I would love to know!

I don't know why, but I am writing this little bit while sitting on the carpet in the bedroom. I'm surprised to say that it is actually comfortable leaning up against the bed. This post is longer than I expected it to be.

I hope you are having a lovely day wherever you are.

Remember to do the things you love to do.

Until next time,

Em X