I was not sure whether to write about this topic, as I always feel very embarrassed about it. When people ask me about it and they hear my answer, they act all surprised and I stand there all awkward thinking to myself "ain't a big deal umm."
Yes, I have never kissed anyone. When I was in high school, I never thought of my first kiss to be a big deal. I pretty much just wanted to get through each year with no trouble. My best friend always had a boyfriend, I swear she was never single throughout our school years.
(I love you bestie!)
There were boys in which I liked but nothing happened. They were always the "populars" in my school. We never had cliche groups like you see on the TV shows. Sure, you had people who stood out more than others but nothing like on the television.
I liked being low-key. I admit it, I never like being centre of attention and having everyone's eyes on you. That is not my thing and will never be my thing.
Back onto my original topic though!
I get nervous when around guys. I get all shy, and I do not speak to them unless they make the first move. This may be because of my dyspraxia, as seen in one of my blog posts, as I get anxious as to how people will react when they first hear me speak.
I choose not to talk sometimes, even when around family. I find it easier, not having to repeat myself all the time which can get annoying if I may admit. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't talk to them because I choose to.. I just find it hard sometimes to say the right things.
When I am around guys, I . Most of it has to do with my dyspraxia. I get self cautious on how they will react, or what they might think. I am now beginning to think it's just me though, as most of the guys I have spoken to, they are nice and I find myself getting comfortable around them. So maybe it's just me overthinking the situation, who knows. (I realised I have said the same thing twice, but I'm keeping it in.)
In regards to not having my first kiss yet, I have come to realise that I am fine with it. People have their 'firsts' at all kinds of ages, and if my first kiss is with a total stranger in a bar or someone who I'll fall in love with then that's fine by me.
Right now, I am working on myself and learning new things by myself. It's okay to be by yourself, you can step away from life for a short while and just be by yourself, reflect on how far you have come.
I haven't posted in a while, but I hope you enjoyed this weeks blog post. If you want to leave a comment or you have a question, please do!
And I hope you have a lovely night, or day wherever you are in this world.
This is me tuning out,
emma X
creativebookgirl 